How to Forgive People? Part One

Ugh! A two syllable word that you should never leave home without. It really does do the body good (as well as the mind and soul). So, let’s talk about how to forgive people. It’s something that we want from God, but at times reluctant to extend to others-especially if it’s the third strike.

So, if I must forgive, because God forgives me, about how many times should I extend mercy and forgive the guilty party? Let’s look in the word of God to see what He says. 

Jesus Teaches Us How to Forgive People

Matthew 18: 21-24

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

The 70 times 7 or 490 times is a number representative of continual forgiveness that is extended to others when they hurt or disappoint us. In other words, we are admonished to forgive every single time someone hurts us whether they ask for forgiveness or not. Ouch! The pain we experience when people let us down or mistreat us is at times unbearable. We play that recording over and over and over in our minds vowing that no one will ever do this to us again.  We build our walls, block our contacts, enlist our sympathizers, etc. to numb the internal struggle within. 

People are incapable of this type of forgiveness, especially the number of times Jesus suggests.  It is a God thing. Only He can provide us with the ability and humility to forgive those who have offended, hurt, bruised, and pained us.  It’s natural to want to control the outcome and hold on to our resentments. It’s a protective barrier, an encasing or shield so we won’t be hurt again. We feel justified in our actions not realizing that our unforgiveness controls us. Until we are ready to surrender our pain to God, unresolved memories will continue to emerge until we are ready to surrender our anger, hostility, bitterness, and resentment to Him.

We Can Learn How to Forgive People

Forgiveness is more than just saying I forgive you, it’s a process by which we choose to allow God to be the judge and jury. We do this by giving him permission to release of us from the sting of negative feelings to the point where we can actually feel compassion, empathy, and even love for the one(s) who have hurt us.

It is astonishing how much unfinished business we carry around because we have not dealt with the underlying cause. We project our pain on others, cutting, wounding to anesthetize our inner turmoil.

Here are some powerful declarations:

“If you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.”-UNKNOWN

“Harboring unforgiveness or bitterness, is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” -UNKNOWN

The saying is simple, but you get the point. Forgive so you can move on.

It really does a body good. According to medical research unforgiveness is classified in medical books as a disease. Harboring negative emotions depletes the body of natural killer cells that it needs to ward off sickness and even cancer.  Yes, unforgiveness can make you sick, but forgiveness can improve your overall wellbeing. That is why God is so forgiving. He alone is the ‘Balm in Gilead’. He specializes in healing the broken in heart and binding up wounds.  Psalms 147:3.

Science Confirms the Link Between Forgiving and Disease

There is a tremendous burden that is placed on the immune system when we are unforgiving. Unforgiveness can easily turn to resentment which in return can lead to depression or other health conditions.

Studies show that being angry for just five minutes, suppresses your immune system for up to five hours!

Therefore, it is essential to take the necessary steps towards releasing those toxic feeling within the pit of our stomach when we think of that person. Forgiveness is simply for our own good.

Just one bitter thought changes the blood chemistry from alkali to acidic. Bad emotions and stress can cause the blood to become acidic. Acid in the blood is called oxidation. The result of blood oxidation is a compromised immune system, depression, as well as weakness, inflammation, and arthritis.

“But few realize the power that the mind has over the body. A great deal of the sickness which afflicts humanity has its origin in the mind and can only be cure by restoring the mind to health…”  {3T 183.2} (Ellen White, Testimonies to the Church Volume 3, page 183, paragraph 2)

“The state of the mind has largely to do with the health of the body.  And especially with the health of the digestive organs.” {CD 375.2} (Ellen White, Counsels on Diet and Foods, page 375, paragraph 2)

Jesus knew what He was talking about when he said 70 times 7.  When we make a choice to forgive, we choose to let go and let God. We give Him our pain, and He provides us with healing.

Here are some tips to considering how to forgive people:

• No one is perfect. “for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” (Roman 3:23).
• Forgive the offender and choose not to recall the episode.
• Be willing to extend grace to the offender. We too were enemies of God. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
• Don’t punish the offender by withholding your love, building up walls, or stonewalling. Remember how you felt when you hurt someone.
• Recognize what forgiveness is and is not. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse or ignore the hurt done to you. Forgiveness is choosing not to retaliate by getting even.
• The process of forgiveness is an ongoing commitment.  When we pray forgive us our debts, remember “as we forgive our debtors” as well. God’s forgiveness towards us is proportionate to the way we forgive others.
• Studies show that chronic anger is linked with a weakened immune system, cancer, depression, suicide and coronary disease.
• Forgiveness is a gift we extend to others.  Rebuilding trust takes time.
• Forgiveness doesn’t absolve the consequences.
• Proverbs 23:7 – “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” 

As I think back on my life and remember how I struggled to forgive people because of the way it made me feel inside.  Instead of expressing anger verbally, I internalized it.  When I became ready to be released from my prison of pain, God led me on a journey of healing and restoration.  There are still times when I would have to forgive all over again when distressing memories emerged. I simply remind myself that forgiveness is an active process and allow Him to heal the hurt in His time and in His way.

 Aww! Thank you God for that two-syllable word…FORGIVE.

Click here for Part Two: How to Forgive People? Part Two.

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